Beyond Discovery

I find myself constantly wanting to explain things, to find answers, to give definition to ideas I don't understand. After all, that is what being an Honors student is about, right? Asking the questions, digging beyond the story to go deep enough to see its meaning...yet when I can't describe what I believe about these texts, these questions, these ideas...when I can't point directly to what the absolute truth of the matter is, where am I? Who am I? Do I fail when I don't know? Or do I find victory there?
St. Augustine asked these same questions in Confessions. He tells God that if a man cannot understand Him, he (Augustine) cannot be expected to explain Him to that man. Augustine quotes Exodus, when God gave the Israelites food from Heaven. They asked, "What is this?" They could not explain how God provided, or even what exactly His provision was. But they did not have to comprehend it to gather it and live. Augustine challenges the man unable to explain God to ask the same question, "What is this?" But he never promises that the man will always receive an answer. Augustine says to God, "So too let him rejoice and delight in finding you who are beyond discovery rather than fail to find you by supposing you to be discoverable." (Book I. vi 10)
Is it better to expect to explain God and all the ways of His universe, or to expect never to be able to understand Him so that I can rejoice all the more when I come one step closer to knowing Him deeply?
I will never be able to fully understand justice, virtue, morality, the hearts of men...or God, who created them all. But I have decided that by accepting that I will never know it all, I am preparing myself to discover as much as I can by putting my faith in the One who does. I will never stop searching, questioning, seeking; but I am overwhelmed that even as I ask without understanding, "What is this life and all it contains," I can live trusting the Source of life.
My God and His ways are beyond discovery. Part of finding Him is losing myself in the hopelessness of fully knowing Him in this life...and the promise of knowing Him fully in the next.